Note: this entry is posted late... nearly a month late. Its not that I forgot by any means, but I was debating on whether I should post it or not. This blog is rarely this personal, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to stray off like this again. Well, then I went on vacation for 10 days, and to a couple weddings, and then decided that I'd post it. Had a couple of the usual drab lined up, but didn't feel like posting anything until I'd figured this out. It sounds like a big deal, but its really not I guess. Very little drama was involved. The small decision making process was more like a mental exercise for me.

(Oh, and yes, I'm back from the month's absence, thanks).

As September 18th rolls around again, I find that pain arrives at sporadic moments. It hits you not like the jab button in Street Fighter II, but more like an earthquake that comes with its own after tremors. Its no surprise that my deceased best friend, Kiki, still visits me after dark (via dreams). However, recently there was a dream that hit me ala earthquake style.

I had dreamt that I was five years old again, but with all the knowledge and experience of a 27 year old. I was basically living my life over again. My first reaction was how I could change the future, and most importantly, somehow prevent the death of my friend. Thoughts raced through my mind on how I would play out my life and what changes would be made. More impotantly, whether I would tell him the truth and somehow convince him not to get into his friend's SLK that night in September 2003, or would I simply blend in to his life and persuade him to do something else that night without revealing I knew the future. Still in the dream, I made plans to be in LA during that time, and I was super anxious to get through the next 17 years of growing up. Saving Kiki was the only thing on my mind, then *bloop*... I woke up.

The pain and disappointment hit me, and then came the tremors in waves. By waking up, I almost felt as if I had ruined the opportunity to make a difference.

Well, as they say, life goes on. So cheers brother, wherever you are. I will drink to you tonight.